


The One with Love

by orphan_account



Series: Wendy Coming Out [2]
Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: A LOT of Angst, Angst, F/F, im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-17
Updated: 2020-01-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:21:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22284769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: And for Joohyun, Seungwan still would've harbored it all.
Relationships: Bae Joohyun | Irene/Son Seungwan | Wendy
Series: Wendy Coming Out [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1604080
Comments: 13
Kudos: 95





	The One with Love

Yerim was the first to broach the topic. She had approached Seungwan after a particularly eventful night in the dorm, her signature smug look on her face.

“Why don’t you just tell her?”

Seungwan looked up from her phone, confusion washing over her face. Maybe she was just too tired from the night’s events to understand what Yerim was trying to say to her.

“Pardon?”

The maknae rolled her eyes, plopping down next to Seungwan on the couch and leaning her head against her shoulder in a rare display of affection.

“Joohyun unnie. Why don’t you just tell her?”

Seungwan sighed, now she understood. Ever since Seungwan had tearfully come out to them, there had been some suspicion about her feelings towards Joohyun. But it wasn’t like that at first, not when she was with Chaeyoung. Chaeyoung, sweet gentle Chaeyoung who deserved so much more than her. Sweet Chaeyoung who she had just left behind at her dorm, a sobbing mess after Seungwan ended their relationship.

_“I’m so sorry Chaeyoung. You deserve so much better than me, someone who…”_

_Seungwan trailed off, the words dying in her throat as she watched Chaeyoung’s face crumple. She couldn’t prevent the tears from falling down her face either, no one ever said that breakups were easy for either side._

_  
“Someone who has feelings for another?”_

_Chaeyoung had guessed it, a bitter laugh escaping her mouth as Seungwan stared in shock. The younger proceeded to explain how she had always been suspicious, but now it all finally made sense. Seungwan tried apologizing again, telling her that she truly did have feelings and she was never just a filler for someone else. But Chaeyoung didn’t want to hear it, she held her hand up, broken sobs escaping her mouth and Seungwan wanted nothing more than to hug her tightly and stay with her. She watched helplessly as Jisoo collected her now ex-girlfriend, giving Seungwan perhaps the most understanding look she had ever received._

_  
“I think you should go.”_

_And she did, not looking back for anything._

“Yerim, don’t.”

She wasn’t in the mood tonight, not after the heartbreak she had just endured. Joohyun should’ve been the last person on her mind, but she was the first much to her dismay. She had arrived home, tears streaming down her face as she finally allowed herself to collapse. The girls had held her close, encouraging her and trying to soothe her aching heart, but they didn’t realize she wasn’t crying for Chaeyoung, she was crying for Joohyun. The woman wrapping her in the tightest, most comfortable hug she had ever felt was the same reason she was sobbing her heart out.

How unfair was it that she had to fall for someone she could never have?

Now she was sitting with Yerim, the younger girl doing her best to silently console her. Both of them knew the outcome of what Yerim had implied, but neither wanted to say anything. Seungwan cried for the umpteenth time that night, curled into Yerim’s embrace as she imagined a life where things could’ve gone right for her.

A life where Joohyun might love her back.

-

After her relationship with Chaeyoung ended, she had grown ever closer to Joohyun. They had spent a lot of time together, their bond growing stronger than ever. Joohyun helped her through her breakup, and in return, Seungwan gave her more attention, something the leader could never get enough of. But eventually, Joohyun had started to pull away from her much to Seungwan’s confusion. Her surprise back hugs and goodnight snuggles had ceased, her attention had been focused elsewhere for quite some time, and Seungwan felt this nervous energy bubbling in her stomach.

It was that night that Seungwan felt her first real heartbreak. Joohyun had come home beaming, eyes filled with life, more than Seungwan had ever seen. She remembers every detail about the encounter, every single word swirling in her head.

_“What’s got you so happy unnie?”_

_Seungwan looked up from her laptop toward the front door after Yerim spoke up. Joohyun was standing there with the biggest smile on her face. Seungwan couldn’t help but smile, Joohyun’s smile was infectious, and she would never grow tired of it. The leader clapped her hands, giddy with energy as she hurried over to the couch and plopped down right next to Sooyoung._

_“I’ve been waiting to tell you guys this for a long time now,” she paused, her eyes scanning all of their faces nervously, “I’m in a relationship.”_

_The silence that overtook them in the next few seconds was when Seungwan pinpointed her heartbreak exactly. It was in those few seconds that her heart shattered in her chest. But she didn’t have any time to think about it before the room erupted into cheers and squeals._

_“No way! Unnie, I’m so happy for you!”_

_Seulgi’s smile was so wide Seungwan would’ve thought her cheeks were tearing apart. Yerim and Sooyoung reacted at the same time, jumping up and hugging Joohyun tightly._

_“Looks like grandma does have game huh?”_

_Joohyun rolled her eyes and swatted at Yerim as she giggled, Sooyoung bursting into laughter not long after. Then Joohyun’s eyes met hers, and she watched that elated look slowly fading as Seungwan realized she was frowning. She quickly put a smile on her face, hoping her eyes weren’t glossy._

_“I’m so happy for you unnie.”_

_She got up to hug Joohyun for extra emphasis, her arms sliding around Joohyun’s shoulders effortlessly. They hugged tightly, Joohyun breathing hot against her neck as the world around them melted away._

_“Thank you.”_

_Seungwan could’ve sworn her voice was thick with tears as she spoke quietly into her ear, and when she pulled away, she thought she saw one slip down her nose. But as soon as she blinked, Joohyun was back to her giddy smiling self, gossiping with the other girls. They had learned a few things that night about Joohyun’s new love. He was tall and buff, had a handsome face and just the cutest nose Joohyun had ever seen, and he wasn’t an idol. They looked through photos of them together, admiring how the two of them seemed so in love._

_“So why are you telling us now?”_

_Seulgi’s question caused Joohyun’s smile to drop, her eyes becoming a little duller as she cleared her throat. She nervously chewed on her lip, watching each of them intently as if she were waiting for someone to break._

_“Well, I told the company about us a while ago and I’ve had their support.”_

_They nodded along diligently, Seungwan just watching with bated breath as she prepared for her heart to break even more._

_“And he asked me to move in with him, and the company is allowing it.”_

_She gives them a watery smile, laughing as some tears drip down her face. All the girls react in a similar way, Sooyoung and Yerim immediately tearing up. Seulgi gives Joohyun a wide smile, tears pooling in her own eyes._

_  
“Wow, so, you’ll be leaving us?”_

_Seungwan didn’t want to hear the rest of the conversation, she felt ill at the thought. Joohyun was about to go start her life with someone and leave her in the dust._

_“Well no obviously not, I will never leave you guys. I’m still going to be a part of Red Velvet, but I’ll just be living with him.”_

_The girls nodded, sniffling as they wiped their tears away. This was great news for them, but still painful nonetheless, they had lived together for the better half of a decade. Another round of hugs was distributed, eyes once more falling on Seungwan who had zoned out._

_“Seungwan-ah?”_

_Her eyes snapped up, tears threatening to spill as she met Joohyun’s soft gaze. She smiled shakily, fighting back the tears, she wouldn’t cry._

_“I’m so happy for you unnie, you have no idea.”_

_The conversation seemed to die down after that, Joohyun explaining that the company asked her to release a statement to let the fans know. She expressed her concerns over it, but the others were quick to reassure her of the bond they had with fans. Seungwan watched silently, she didn’t feel like contributing anything. She could barely comprehend everything happening. How could Joohyun be leaving them after all these years? How could she leave Seungwan after everything they’ve been through?_

_She doesn’t think she’ll ever understand._

And that led to this moment, Seungwan sitting in her dark room, knees pressed to her chest as she sobbed into her arms. Her heart was shattered, utterly destroyed inside of her chest. Joohyun was leaving them, leaving her, to be with the love of her life.

Someone who wasn’t Seungwan.

She never imagined heartbreak to feel so awful, after everything she had been through, this is what shatters her heart the most. She tries desperately to contain her sobs, not interested in waking the others up, especially when they had to be up early to help Joohyun pack. Seungwan isn’t sure what kind of cruel twist of fate God was handing her, but she hated it.

A knock on her door broke her out of her thoughts, and she quickly swiped the tears from her face, trying to steady her voice as she invited Sooyoung in. Even in her devastation, she could still tell their knocks apart. She tried her best to be strong, smiling at the taller girl who gave her a look and shut the door behind her.

“Unnie…”

That was all it took to break her again, sending her crumbling into a fit of pained sobs. Her hands came up to her face, palms digging into her eyes to try and stop the tears as her bed dipped and a warmth pulled her closer. She was seated in Sooyoung’s lap like a child, sobbing her heart out as the younger of the two rocked her back and forth.

“Unnie, tell her please. Please tell her.”

Sooyoung was crying too, her voice cracking as desperation seeped from it. Seungwan was surprised, Sooyoung sounded so devastated, almost more than her.

“Make her stay unnie, tell her, please you have to tell her.”

It was a strange twist of events, Seungwan collecting herself so she could console Sooyoung, her devastation showing through on her face. She cupped the girl’s cheeks, wiping her tears as she hiccupped over her own sobs.

“Sooyoung. Sooyoung-ah look at me.”

Their eyes met, Sooyoung’s eyes had always portrayed how she felt, and Seungwan felt sick seeing how hurt she was. She smiled bitterly, swiping at Sooyoung’s tears with her thumb.

“I can’t. You know I can’t. There’s nothing I can do Sooyoung, my hands are tied.”

Seungwan would do anything to make sure she never had to watch Sooyoung’s face crumple the way it just did ever again. She pressed a tender kiss to the girl’s forehead, pulling her head into her neck and feeling the way Sooyoung shook against her. She sniffled, staving her own tears as she let Sooyoung sob into her, tears soaking into her shirt. Placing another delicate kiss against Sooyoung’s head, she began to pet her hair gently. Her heart wasn’t the only one that had broken that night, she realized this now.

“It’s going to be okay. We’re going to be okay Sooyoung-ah.”

She’s not sure how long the girl cries for, but by the time she stops the sky was indicating that dawn was arriving soon. She looked out the window as they laid down, Sooyoung still cuddled into Seungwan’s neck as they slowly fell into sleep.

“At least Seulgi unnie can have a real room now.”

Seungwan had to fight the urge to laugh bitterly.

-

Life without Joohyun around was something Seungwan never wanted to get used to, but she eventually did. It sucked at first, her energy slowly fading from the dorm as she settled into her new home, rarely spending time with them outside of practice and schedules. The mood was somber for a while, and it was awkward when she would come and go, acting as if she had never lived there in the first place. It took a lot of getting used to, but eventually Seungwan had let it settle, coming to terms with it all.

During that time, the girls had been introduced to Joohyun’s boyfriend. That day was one Seungwan wished she could forget, but she knew she never would. She wouldn’t forget the way Joohyun looked at him, her eyes so full of love. Joohyun had never looked at anyone like that, not even her who Joohyun had reserved a special look for. The girls were often jealous, complaining that Joohyun only looked at Seungwan like that and it wasn’t fair. But now Seungwan watched as Joohyun looked at him like he held the stars in her sky.

Why couldn’t she look at Seungwan like that?

Seungwan wanted to hate him, she wanted to despise everything about him, but she couldn’t. He was such a gentleman to all of them, especially to Joohyun who deserved absolutely nothing less. He was handsome, sweet, and gave Joohyun everything Seungwan wishes she could. What’s not to like about him?

The girls, for their part, tried to hate him too. She knows it was for her sake, and she can tell they like him just as much, but she appreciates the effort regardless. Seungwan swallows down her feelings in favor of looking happy for them, she knows she should be happy anyways. Joohyun had never been so happy in her life, the least Seungwan could do was feel the same. She smiles along, hiding behind a mask every time he’s around. His eyes always make it to her somehow, giving her a look as if he sees right through her.

And Seungwan is sure he can.

She wasn’t surprised when he pulled her aside one night after they had been invited into his home to share a meal that Joohyun had cooked. She saw the look on his face, she knew that he knew. But she didn’t care, she didn’t have the energy to find it in herself to care. She wasn’t surprised when he asked Seungwan if he should propose to Joohyun. She wasn’t surprised when he mentioned that Joohyun talked about her a lot and that Joohyun cared for and respected her so deeply. She wasn’t surprised when he told her that he only felt it was right to get her blessing before asking Joohyun. Nothing about the situation surprised her in the slightest, she had a feeling this would eventually happen.

What surprised her was the blessing she gave him, telling him with a smile to ask for Joohyun’s hand in marriage.

She wonders briefly if he did it to hurt her, to make her feel like a fool for chasing something she’d never have. She wishes she could pin that on him, believe that he did it just to spite her, but she knows the truth. He asked her because she matters to Joohyun, and that means she matters to him too. She hates how perfect he is for Joohyun, but she can’t bring herself to hate him.

Seungwan cried when he got down on one knee right in their spacious living room and proposed to the love of his life.

And the love of her life.

They cheered as she nodded her head, tears falling down her face as she looked at him with the most love Seungwan has ever seen. It makes her sick to her stomach, she wants to be looked at like that, she wants Joohyun to look at her like that instead. The rest of the night is a blur, one that Seungwan chose not to remember most of. The thought pained her deeply, and what she does remember might be the one thing she wished she didn’t.

_“Hey.”_

_Seungwan had been on the balcony, observing the stars with her glass of wine in hand when someone spoke from behind her. She turned around quickly, smiling softly at Joohyun as the girl stepped up beside her._

_“Hey.”_

_They looked at each other silently for a moment, Joohyun giving her that special look. The look that said a lot less than Seungwan had ever wished. She wanted it to be one of pure love and adoration, but rather it was a look of care and admiration. Suddenly, Joohyun’s arms were around her, pulling her close and holding her in place. Seungwan didn’t hug back, she didn’t have any strength to._

_“Thank you.”_

_She laughed hearing how Joohyun’s voice shook, why was she being thanked, she hadn’t done anything._

_  
“For what?”_

_Joohyun pulled back, eyes glossy as she looked at Seungwan who felt nothing but pure love at the sight._

_“For letting me go.”_

_And in that moment Seungwan felt as if her world came crashing down, had Joohyun known all along? She prayed her face didn’t show the concern she felt, but as she opened her mouth to speak, Joohyun cut her off._

_“I know how protective you are, and I know he asked you before asking me. You’re my best friend Seungwan, thank you for letting me marry him.”_

_She pulled Seungwan close again, and Seungwan wasn’t sure if she wanted to let out a breath of relief or pain. Joohyun merely thought of her as a best friend, someone who she cared so deeply about, but would never feel as much as Seungwan did. She didn’t know about her feelings, and from that moment on Seungwan knew that she never would._

The events play on in her head over and over as she drunkenly stumbles into her room, Seulgi’s arms wrapped around her waist loosely. The other girl was much less wasted than she was, but that could be blamed on Seungwan’s need to forget by drinking as much as possible. She let everything play out in her head again and again and again until it was all she could hear and feel. She didn’t pay any mind to Seulgi taking her shoes and pants off, and she didn’t say anything as the woman tucked her into bed. But as she shut the light off and made to leave, Seungwan stopped her.

“Seul?”

“Yeah?”

She paused, wracking her brain in her alcohol-induced state for the correct words. She let out a frustrated sound and turned to face the door, her eyes shutting.

“Do you think I made a mistake?”

The bed dipped near her torso shortly after, Seulgi had taken a seat, probably ready to comfort Seungwan through whatever breakdown was about to occur.

  
“Do you think I should’ve told her?”

Seulgi doesn’t answer, she places a hand on Seungwan’s hip and rubs gently instead in hopes that it will be comforting. Seungwan sighs into her pillow, her drunken haze making it difficult to think about anything else.

“She’ll never love me anyways.”

“That’s not true Seungwan, you know unnie loves you very much.”

She hated that Seulgi talked to her like a child, it only made her feel more insecure and frustrated.

“You know that’s not what I mean Seulgi.”

Seulgi didn’t have to respond, Seungwan knew what she was thinking, and she knew Seulgi agreed. They sat in silence for a while, Seulgi rubbing her hip tenderly until her breathing evened out and she fell asleep. Only then did Seulgi get up, a soft sigh escaping her mouth as she leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to Seungwan’s warm forehead.

“I’m sorry Seungwan-ah.”

Seulgi left the room slowly, wishing she could take all the pain Seungwan felt. But there was no saving Seungwan from the pain she would feel for the rest of her life.

-

It’s a funny twist of fate, she thinks when she wakes up that morning with a splitting headache and to the sound of angry yelling. She sits up in her bed, blinking painfully as she looks around. She was in her maid of honor dress, the same one that Sooyoung, Seulgi, and Yerim all wore the night before.

The night that Joohyun got married.

She barely remembers the ceremony or anything after to be honest. But she shakes her head, tuning into the yelling coming from the living room.

“Where the hell is she?”

Joohyun. That was Joohyun and she did not sound happy. Her heart caught in her throat, what had made Joohyun so upset?

“Unnie, relax please. I don’t think this is a good idea.”

Seulgi. Sweet Seulgi was speaking, pleading, with Joohyun. She sounded tired, like she was drained from something.

“I wouldn’t bother her right now.”

Yerim. Yerim seemed just as drained, her voice missing all of the fight Seungwan had grown to adore. She was nervous now, was it her they were referring to? Did she do something wrong? Seungwan wishes she could remember what happened. Suddenly, her door was being thrown open and Joohyun was storming in, slamming it shut behind her. Their eyes met, and Seungwan felt her throat go dry. Joohyun’s eyes were red and puffy, she had been crying, over what Seungwan was not quite sure. Her eyes were void of any love and affection, staring straight at Seungwan with the most pained expression.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Her voice was hurt, cracking painfully as she stared at Seungwan. Seungwan felt her heart drop, tears flooding her eyes as memories suddenly came back to her. She looked down at her hands, lips parting in shock.

_“Joohyun is the most amazing woman I have ever met.”_

_It was her turn to speak, the speech she had spent days and nights writing and rewriting permanently engraved into her brain. She looked directly into Joohyun’s eyes as she spoke, glass raised in her shaky hand._

_“Since the day I first met her, I knew she was destined for greatness and boy was I right. Nothing about Joohyun is any less than perfect.”_

_She watched the way Joohyun’s eyes filled with tears at her words, she knew the woman was already high on emotions tonight._

_“And she deserves nothing less than someone who will go to the ends of the earth for her. She deserves perfection.”_

_Seungwan felt tears trailing down her own cheeks now, pain making her voice crack as she spoke. She had practiced this speech time and time again, and here she was ruining it. She opened her mouth to speak, glass shaking violently in her hand._

_“I love you Joohyun, so much.”_

_The look in Joohyun’s eyes went from love to something else, something more along the lines of understanding. She watched the smile slip away from Joohyun’s face. It was then that she noticed the arm wrapped around her Joohyun’s waist, and her eyes trailed over to the smiling face. Her husband was looking at her, a smile gracing his lips. It wasn’t one of malice or hatred, merely one of solemn understanding. She cleared her throat and looked away from them, eyes sweeping over everyone at the table._

_“To the happy couple.”_

_And they toasted._

“Answer me! Why didn’t you tell me Seungwan?”

Joohyun was mad, or she was hurt, or maybe both, Seungwan wasn’t too sure. She looked back up slowly, the saddest expression on her face. Joohyun realized now just how exhausted Seungwan truly looked, every feature of her face ridden with grief. Her gaze softened, tears falling silently as she waited.

  
“Because you’re so happy Joohyun. You love him so much.”

She sounds tired, she sounds pained, and she hates every single thing about it.

“I love you Seungwan!”

She exclaims almost desperate, lurching forward into Seungwan’s space with a pleading look on her face. Seungwan smiles bitterly, shaking her head as tears leak from her eyes.

“No, you don’t.”

“I do!”

Seungwan bites her lip, nostrils flaring angrily as she chokes out a laugh. Fate would see it that she could never just be happy.

“No, you don’t, stop giving me false hope.”

Joohyun goes silent, stepping back as grief washes over her face. She looks devastated as if she had just lost something precious.

“I could’ve tried.”

It was that silent admission that sent Seungwan reeling headfirst into hysteria. She sobbed bitterly as she looked away from Joohyun, she couldn’t bear to see the hurt on her face. She wipes her face, staring out her window trying to avoid the presence behind her. The sun was already hanging high in the sky, Joohyun would be due to leave for her honeymoon soon.

“You have a flight to catch.”

“Seungwan, please.”

She hears the desperation oozing from Joohyun’s voice and it makes her nauseous, she turns to look at her again and regrets it. She nearly heaves at the heartbroken look on Joohyun’s face. Years and years of built-up pain on her end were displayed better on the face of the one who caused it all.

“All I have ever wanted, was for you to be happy Joohyun. That is why I didn’t tell you.”

Joohyun is at a loss for words, she shouldn’t feel this way the day after her wedding. She should be elated, in the arms of her husband as they prepare for their honeymoon. Yet she was here instead, looking at the face of someone she thought she knew.

Turns out she didn’t really know her at all.

“So please, go and be happy. No one deserves it more than you.”

Seungwan turns away from her again, trying to steady her breathing and keep her tears back. She couldn’t cry like this in front of Joohyun, she couldn’t be the cause of her pain anymore.

“But- “

“Joohyun.”

She cuts her off before she can even start. For once Joohyun doesn’t protest, she quiets herself as Seungwan takes a shaky breath.

“Go.”

She doesn’t turn around even after the door shuts. She doesn’t turn around when she hears the sobs down the hallway and the confused sounds from the others. She doesn’t turn around when she hears the front door slam, or the engine start from the street below, or the sound of a car driving off. She doesn’t turn around when the girls knock on her door softly, asking if she’s okay. She doesn’t turn around because she’s afraid she’ll never be able to get the image of Joohyun’s devastated face out of her mind. She couldn’t handle knowing she caused Joohyun that pain.

It’s a cruel twist of fate, how Joohyun can cause Seungwan years of pain and still feel just as much in the span of one night. How cruel was it that the world had to punish Joohyun too?

And for Joohyun, Seungwan still would’ve harbored it all.

**Author's Note:**

> wow nothing can have a happy ending ever


End file.
